Friday, October 25, 2013

Enough

Posted by CheapRunnerMichelle

Happy Friday friends!

Let me prelude this post today in letting you know I am not looking for your sympathy or pity...instead please just take it as me sharing honestly with you what has been going on, on the inside this week

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I am typically 99% of the time a very logical, realistic and optimistic person...so let's consider this as the 1%. I don't know why or what have brought on these feelings this week, but I have been feeling...

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And this has been an overall general feeling in my life this week. Feeling like I am not good enough at my job, like whatever I do/try/suggest is never good enough. Feeling like these days I am never heard, and thus insignificant. Feeling like I am not motivated to try or do better because what does it matter?!?

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Feeling not good enough in my own body. This clearly encompasses many areas in my life - not eating healthy enough, not exercising enough, not practicing self control and discipline. Not being fit enough, strong enough, fast enough. And I'm not going to lie - it's not easy having someone in my life that this just seems to come so naturally and easily for them. Although I know I should find great motivation in that, most of the time I don't - I actually find that it makes everything harder, and much easier to just put myself down...and run those thoughts through my head

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Feelings of not being a good enough mother. Feeling the guilt that I choose to work and have a career outside the home. Feelings that I am not encouraging or uplifting my children enough. Feelings that sometimes with the words I use I am instead tearing my children down. Feelings of not being a good enough daughter myself, of not being able to "fix" things or even have a clue what to do. Do I spend enough time with my widowed mother? Do I call enough? Do I show I care enough?

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Having all the above thoughts swirling around makes me sometimes wonder am I a good enough partner. I know it's my fault for all these years not being much of a "girl" when it comes to many things in my life, but that doesn't mean that sometimes I don't need to hear why I am special without having to ask. Am I doing enough to make him feel loved and respected? Do I do enough around the house?

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Ok pity party over - I am now choosing to make my thoughts the other 99%

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Hope you all have a fabulous weekend friends!

28 comments:

  1. I think a lot of us (at least I have/do) go through these feelings/motions every once in awhile. Feeling our flaws are blown out of proportion, that people are doing us a favor by being with us, and wonder.. how could they want to?


    But it always ends up being just a bad funk and come out of us holding the hands of the people we love!


    Plus, you put up with Mike's training for the Marathon! I think he is the lucky one! right Mike?

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  2. You're not superhuman. Slow down, have a cupcake & relax. This is just a little bump in the road, everyone feels this way at some point. :)

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  3. Nothing a little Red Velevet can't fix right ;)

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  4. well now we are moving on to Goofy training...
    You're right - the people we love and that love us, are there through it all!

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  5. It makes me sad knowing you're feeling this way. I don't tell you near enough that I love you and we are all so blessed to have you in our lives. Hope you feel better soon. And maybe Sundays race will give you that little boost you need:)

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  6. Everyone has those days that they just don't feel like anything is right or good. It's ok to take a moment evaluate what, if anything, can be or needs to be changed or improved, and then let the rest go. Blogging it out helps!

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  7. It's so true. It's a great outlet...especially for someone that doesn't tend to verbalize these things

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  8. I think everyone has their ups and downs, and it can definitly effect all other areas of our life. Just keep your head up and realize everything will always work itself out
    -Elise @ 9toFit.com

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  9. Thanks for your words of encouragement Elise!

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  10. Charlotte@CommitnessToFitnessOctober 25, 2013 at 12:52 PM

    i think its totally normal to have days/ weeks like this. i mean, honestly who doesnt question themselves from time to time? i think in those moments, choose to make a couple small-or 1 big- change to make you feel like you're doing something better for the people around you. it can make all the difference.

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  11. Thanks for your words of wisdom today Charlotte! and PS. Welcome back - you have been missed!!!

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  12. Michelle, I know exactly where you are coming from with this post. I'm one of those people that typically lives in the 99% good part but I think it makes that 1% low really low and really hard!!! And, I think it's OK to have days/weeks like this - it helps you to figure out how great you really are!!
    I think that you are amazing and do way more than you realize - you work full time (at a job that requires hearing lots of complaining!!!), you are a great mom and wife, you run/race......
    I hope you have a great weekend!!!

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  13. cori @olivetorun.comOctober 25, 2013 at 2:05 PM

    Not a pity party at all... I am 99% of the time logical but I also get these little things creeping in my head too. You ARE more than enough and I'm sure you are a rockstar employee, mom, friend, etc.

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  14. Thanks Kim! Your're right...because so much of the time I am the 99%...the 1% r.e.a.l.l.y sucks

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  15. I guess it's what makes us human. Thank-you Cori :)

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  16. I agree that when you live in that 99 percent most times, that 1 percent can hit us hard. But it's a testament that you could honestly express it here for us and not just bottle it up.

    I know the love you see here will give you a boost!

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  17. Aww, I am sorry you are feeling this way! This happens to me sometimes too. I get these feelings that I'm not doing enough, or simply being enough. I think we are all our own worst critic and you'd be surprised to see how amazing other people think you are! But it's true. When I get these feelings I try to remember all of the great things I have done myself and for others in the past, and move forward. And usually they do pass. So here's hoping your feelings pass quickly and you are back to feeling more like YOU soon :)

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  18. Sorry you are/were feeling this way Michelle! So often how we feel is based on lies we believe, even if we only believe them for a moment. That is why it is so important to fill our minds with not just SNL's Jack Handey's "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and gosh darn it, people like me" kind of positivity but with real TRUTH like you nailed in that one point you made about being a child of God and where our true worth comes from...not something innate in and of ourselves. And that is in my opinion where we find the truth behind, "the truth will set you free"! Be free.

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  19. BTW...I LOVED Jack Handey! :) http://www.deepthoughtsbyjackhandey.com/

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  20. You are totally right - we are our own worse critics and pick and pick at things in our life that others don't even see or care about

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  21. Absolutely they are lies...which is why when I am "logical (99%)" I don't think this way. The Lord is certianly strength in times like these

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  22. You are def more than enough. Back in 1998 when I felt very alone and I prayed that God would send me just 1 friend who I could hang out with and be close to, he answered and could not have sent me a better person in the entire world to be my friend! FFL girl! Love ya!

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  23. Trust me..... you are not alone!!! I don't know you personally, but you do inspire me:)

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  24. Thought about your posts lots as I often feel the same way. It's usually about once a month ;) But I always think, the bad days make the good days seem that much better. Glad you are feeling better now. Jenn

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